


A Lack Of Passion Is Fatal

by lack_of_passion



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Chronic Illness, Chronic Pain, Im new here, Other, first fanfic, idk what to put here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:28:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25948093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lack_of_passion/pseuds/lack_of_passion
Summary: M is no stranger to nen, but no one knows she uses it. One day, she meets someone who can see her power, and her life changes forever.
Kudos: 2





	1. Reminisce

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! This is my first fanfic EVER so I hope you enjoy!!! 
> 
> I'm very nervous but also excited to share it with you! Especially because the main original character is based off me and my life with chronic illness!
> 
> But during the bad days, Hunter x Hunter and anime in general has become more than just a distraction for me, it's become a source of happiness in the worst of times, so I wanted to try to share the joy I've found with others!
> 
> So thanks for reading, and I hope you like it! I'll be adding more chapters as I finish them! And I'm gonna add some content warnings below that I'll continue updating as I write more!
> 
> CW // chronic illness, pain
> 
> *All credit for Hunter x Hunter goes to the creator Yoshihiro Togashi!*

-

She was 14 the first time it happened.

In class at the studio. She had just gotten her first pair of pointe shoes, and at 14 she was way behind everyone else her age.

Even just working at the barre, her ankles kept rolling, and wow was it unpleasant! She’d never felt a sensation quite like that.

When you’re en pointe, your ankles and feet hold your entire body weight, making an abrupt roll due to weak and untrained ankles very painful.

It happened once, twice, three times in the first 30 minutes, and she was fuming. Mad mostly at herself, as is typical of any dancer.

She couldn’t stop cursing herself for not taking ballet seriously sooner!

When the beginner class moved to attempt a few center floor exercises, everyone was nervous, including M. She’d been dancing since she was 3, and rarely felt any kind of nervousness, but there she was, feeling nervous.

“Bourrées? That’s all? Okay. I got this. One foot and then the other. I can bourrée all day,” she tried to convince herself.

And then her ankle rolled, and then she fell. On her face. In front of the entire class.

M blinked quickly as her cat Lucky jumped up on the bed, the sound of Lucky’s purring and her gentle nudges against M’s hand bringing M back to reality.

Her cheeks burned with embarrassment as she slowly returned to the present. “It’s funny,” M mused, “even now, 15 years later, the thought of doing bourrées en pointe still makes me cringe!”

Why was she thinking about that class again?

“Oh.” She remembered.

She resumed typing on her computer: “Symptoms began as early as 14 years of age.”

M rolled her eyes. Even the thought of bourrées was more pleasant than filling out paperwork for another new doctor.

“Another day, another doctor,” she hummed as she gave up on the questionnaire, closing her laptop.

M sat up all the way and stretched her legs out on the bed, waiting for the loud “POP!” that usually accompanied her right kneecap putting itself back in its proper place after she’d been sitting cross-legged. 

It never came.

“Well, that’s why I’m going to the doctor, right?”

She sighed as she concentrated her aura into her hands. A blush pink glow enveloped both hands. She pulled a strand of aura out of the palm of the right one with her left, and quickly wrapped the strand around her right knee a few times. For another second it looked like a beautiful pink bandage, and then it disappeared, becoming invisible to anyone but M herself.


	2. Genetic

-

By now, M was used to using her nen, and she was used to using In to hide it from everyone else.

It wasn’t that she was ashamed necessarily, hiding was just easier than trying to explain why she ended up looking like a bubblegum pink mummy most days! 

At least that’s what she told herself.

M has a genetic disease called Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. The way she explains it to those unfamiliar with the condition (which is most people she encounters), is that her collagen is all stretch and no snap back. Collagen is supposed to be something like a rubber band, it gives and stretches when needed, but then it returns to its original state.

M’s collagen is just downright abnormal. Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, or EDS to save some time, is a genetic condition that causes the body to have faulty collagen, which has disastrous effects on connective tissue throughout the body.

When M was still dancing, before she even knew what EDS was, her super bendy body was frequently praised. Her hypermobile joints were the envy of all her friends. 

But then, the pain set in, and her world fell to pieces around her. 

“Stop it,” M thought, shaking her head slightly. “I can’t do this again. No more thinking about the past. At least for tonight…please give yourself one night of peace!”

She sighs as she stands, slowly, remembering her knee still held in place with her nen. 

She cracks her back, twisting this way and that until she’s satisfied. 

“At least one body part is cooperating tonight!”

She washes her face and returns to bed, her cat companion Lucky now fast asleep next to her pillow. 

“Goodnight, Luck. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day.”

M chuckles at the thought of a better day, a cynic through and through. 

Little did she know, tomorrow would be the day her life changed forever.


	3. The Doctor Is In

-

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

“Hrmph.”

M rolls over to shut off the alarm currently blaring. 

Another “hrmph,” a bit louder this time as she switches the alarm off. She outright groans as she remembers the reason she set an alarm was to wake her up for another doctor’s appointment. 

M sits up slowly, her body a bit of a mess as it always is in the mornings. Her cat, Lucky, shifts next to her, stretches, and hops down off the bed.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. You’re hungry. Gimme a minute.”

M swivels to sit on the edge of her bed. She makes an attempt to stand for the first time, and instantly falls back onto the bed. 

“Damn it! How did I forget about my knee already?” she mumbles, massaging her knee gently. 

Even though she was able to keep her nen wrapped up around the knee while she slept, and even though it certainly helped more than any medical treatments she’d tried so far, her nen wrapping was still no replacement for functional collagen.

Her knee throbbed beneath the bandage. She quickly unwrapped the strand of nen holding her knee together to assess the damage. 

What she found was far from pretty.

“Wow I must have completely dislocated it this time or something,” she says with a shrug, as if the swelling and bruising surrounding her kneecap was a normal thing. 

Truth be told, anyone with typical collagen would have been rushed to the emergency room as soon as the injury occurred. 

“I don’t...what did I even do last night?” M thought back. She realized she hadn’t even injured the knee, unless you consider choosing to sit cross-legged for an hour or so an injury. 

“As much as I hate going to new doctors, things have been a lot worse lately. Maybe this guy, Doctor...oh what’s his name again?” M squints to read the appointment card she grabbed from her planner, “...Doctor Leorio Paladiknight will be able to magically help me.” M rises from the edge of her bed. “Not that any doctor I’ve seen in the past decade has done me much good…,” she grumbles to herself on her way to the bathroom. 

M brushes her teeth, throws her hair up into a messy bun (well, not too messy, the ballet training never quite forgotten), and dresses in what she’s come to think of as her “patient chic” attire, a clean pair of sweatpants and a baggy sweatshirt. Comfy.

She takes her daily medications and makes her way downstairs to feed the cat and maybe herself. Her stomach has been very moody recently, so she hasn’t yet decided if she can tolerate breakfast yet this morning.

She decides against a meal this early, grabs her pink mini backpack she uses as a purse, checks to make sure she has her ID and health insurance card, pats Lucky twice to say goodbye, and waddles to her car, the aching in her knee more prominent with each step. 

The drive isn’t too far, but given that her right knee is the injured one, it’s not exactly a pleasant journey. By the time she gets to Dr. Paladiknight’s office, she’s wishing she had asked her mom to take her to the appointment. 

Regretting her poor decision, she limps her way into the office. “I should’ve left it wrapped, but I didn’t want any chance of the doctor noticing my nen.”

M checks in and is asked to fill out even more paperwork, paperwork with questions ridiculously similar to the ones she already filled out on the questionnaire last night. 

After perusing Twitter for about 20 minutes, a nurse comes out to fetch her.

“Hi, my name’s Kurapika! I’m Dr. Leorio’s nurse,” the nurse smiled back at M as he led her through a maze of desks and doors.

M smiled back. Nurse Kurapika’s aura was pleasing to look at. His smile was genuine and his presence warm and calming.

They paused at the scale, and then entered exam room number four. 

“Four, my lucky number,” M said quietly.

Nurse Kurapika took her blood pressure and checked her heart rate, seemingly unnerved by the results of both vital signs. “Are you feeling okay, Miss M?” 

“No worse than normal, I guess!” M gave the kind nurse a reassuring smile.

Nurse Kurapika hesitated for a moment, nodded, and opened the door to leave. “Dr. Leorio will be in as soon as he’s finished with his current patient!”

M thanked him and settled in, used to waiting when it comes to doctors. 

A moment later, she’s startled when a frenzied man opens the door suddenly. 

“Ahh, uhh, thanks Kurapika!” The man turns to face M and shuts the door behind him.

“Oh hi! You must be Miss uhh...Miss M, right? Sorry, it’s been a wild day here,” the man she presumes to be Dr. Leorio says as he begins trying to untangle his stethoscope from his tie. “Which... *tug* ...really… *another tug* ...isn’t anything… *one more tug* ...out of the ordinary!,” he nearly shouts in celebration as he finally manages to free his stethoscope.

M giggles quietly at the disheveled man. His aura is similar to Nurse Kurapika’s in its warmth. She likes him already.

“Well then,” Dr. Leorio says as he sits on the stool next to the small desk and shakes the computer mouse to wake the screen. “I’ve had a look at your chart, but I’d like to hear from you what brings you in to see me today.”

M stutters as she tries to think of the best way to proceed. “Well, I uhh...I guess...I mean…,” she pauses and takes a deep, steadying breath. “I’ve been chronically ill for a long time now. I’ve been diagnosed with Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, among other things, and you’re supposed to be an expert in weird genetic conditions. So that’s why I’m here. I feel like I’m always getting worse and no one has been able to help me manage my symptoms well, and I guess that’s what I’m hoping you’ll be able to help me with.”

“I see,” the doctor hums. “EDS is definitely a weird one, you’re right about that. And unfortunately, I’m not surprised to hear that you haven’t found much help. But let’s see what we can do. Even if I may not always have an easy fix, I can promise I won’t give up on you.”

M smiled, tears forming in the corners of her eyes. That was all she needed to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kurapika as Leorio's nurse LOL I love them.
> 
> I promise the next chapter will be really exciting! 
> 
> Thank you for reading this far!


	4. The Stranger

-

After her appointment, M stopped at her favorite coffee shop to celebrate her new doctor. 

She ordered an iced chai latte and decided it was time to get something in her stomach, so she added a pumpkin muffin. 

She sat and read her book for awhile, munching on her muffin, trying to enjoy her book, feeling annoyingly distracted by...what?

She felt like someone was watching her, but didn’t see anyone eyeing her when she glanced around. 

“Hmm,” she wondered out loud, feeling uncomfortable, as if someone was staring at her with intent. She got up to leave.

Upset at her good mood being ruined by the feeling, she packed her things quickly and exited through the back door of the cafe. 

M had chosen a coffee shop near Heavens Arena. She didn’t much care for the concept of the place, and wondered if one of the weirdos who chose to spend their time fighting others was to blame for the strange feeling she had.

It’s downright scary how accurate M’s instincts are. 

-

He stopped and watched her from across the street. 

Her aura...

He must be seeing things...

There was no way...

It looked just like...his own...

-

M tried to walk back to her car quickly. She had exited out the back door, and panicked for a second when she didn’t see the vehicle. She forgot she had parked out front, across the street.

She was downright nervous now. Whoever was watching her was not hiding their intentions. She sensed bloodlust, and a lot of it. But there was something else, just barely suppressing the yearning to harm, something that felt like...curiosity? Maybe.

She turned back to the door, contemplating going back through the cafe and out the front door to avoid the alley between the buildings and hopefully the unnerving stranger watching her every move.

“No. I’m not helpless,” M reassures herself.

She steels herself and walks into the alley.

\- 

“Oooh she’s coming this way~” the stranger coos, excitedly.

He slicks his (recently dyed) lilac-colored hair back, feeling...what, was he nervous? Like he’d ever admit that...and enters the alley, scaling the building adjacent to the cafe and perching on the roof to continue watching the girl with the bubblegum pink aura. 

-

M tried to just rush through the narrow alley, but the power of the stranger’s bloodlust overwhelmed her as soon as she took a few steps. 

Whoever it was, they were close, and they were dangerous. 

She turned to go back into the coffee shop, opting to play it safe and go back out the front door.

Someone lands quietly behind her.

“What’s the matter, my little fruit~ Forget something?”


	5. Circus Clown

-

M froze, her back turned to the stranger now standing directly behind her. He was so close she could feel his warm breath on her shoulder. The sensation sent a shiver down her body.

“W-w-why -- are you -- who are you? I know you’ve been watching me,” she stammers as she slowly and carefully turns to face him.

Adorable~ he thinks to himself.

The stranger steps back with his right foot into a deep and theatrical bow, left leg extended in front, arms back, head down in a seemingly apologetic -- or mocking? -- gesture.

“Deepest apologies, dearest. How rude of me. I,” he stands and extends his right hand, “am Hisoka~” he says with a smile. 

M takes his hand and shakes it briefly, very confused. Where did this strange man come from and why was he following her?

“Are you part of the circus or something?” M blurts out, quickly covering her mouth with both hands in embarrassment. Really? That’s my first question to the man who was just STALKING ME?

The man called Hisoka chuckles. “What an interesting question to ask the person you accused of stalking you not more than a minute ago~”

If possible, M is even more startled by his response seeming to read her thoughts nearly word for word. 

“Never mind. Why were you watching me?” 

Hisoka grins. “You caught my interest~” 

M finds herself being pulled forward, towards Hisoka, so forcefully that she stumbles and falls into him, making him giggle.

Alarmed, she instantly takes two steps back. What the hell was that? 

M’s panic returns. She glances past Hisoka at her car. Not a chance. She turns her head to look back at the door she exited the coffee shop from, and --

“Hmm, what’s the matter, pet? Thinking of leaving me all by my lonesome?” Hisoka croons, and M finds herself being pulled back towards the man again. 

M has many, many questions for this strange man in the clown outfit, but the most concerning one she works up the courage to ask him directly...

“Did you know I have the same nen ability as you when you started stalking me?”


End file.
